{"id":29415,"date":"2025-09-09T08:01:37","date_gmt":"2025-09-09T12:01:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/design-providers.com\/rise\/i-have-been-living-with-my-ex-for-years-and-we-are-a-family-of-seven\/"},"modified":"2025-09-09T08:01:37","modified_gmt":"2025-09-09T12:01:37","slug":"i-have-been-living-with-my-ex-for-years-and-we-are-a-family-of-seven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/design-providers.com\/rise\/i-have-been-living-with-my-ex-for-years-and-we-are-a-family-of-seven\/","title":{"rendered":"I have been living with my ex for years and we are a family of seven"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n

Six years, one ex, five cats\u2014and a very unconventional family<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been living with my ex for six years. We broke up after four years of dating\u2014two of them, living-in\u2014but we still share a home to this day, and five cats. <\/p>\n

People often react with shock, fascination, and an alarming lack of boundaries. \u201cDo you still sleep together?\u201d \u201cHow do you resist? Isn\u2019t it awkward?\u201d It\u2019s as if living with an ex switches off people\u2019s filters. I get it though\u2014the arrangement confuses them. Relationships that end are supposed to be messy, cleanly cut off, filed under \u2018the past\u2019.<\/p>\n

But if the last decade has taught me anything, it\u2019s that relationships don\u2019t always follow a script. While some relationships dissolve and disappear entirely; others evolve and take on another form\u2014a form that might not look like anything we\u2019ve been taught, but that still holds weight and meaning for the people involved.<\/p>\n

Representative image: A still from Wake Up Sid<\/em><\/p>\n

How I met my \u2018roommate\u2019 <\/strong><\/h3>\n

I met my ex 11 years ago, a few months after I turned 21. I was the emcee at a college festival and he was the 24-year-old bassist with the band that was performing that day. He wore a hideous t-shirt and orange pants, but fashion disaster aside, he rocked out on stage\u2014and later, was the only one who congratulated me on a job well done. Instantly I felt, \u201cYep, this is going to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

For most of my 20s, he was my anchor and entire support system. I was new to Mumbai, with no family here, juggling high rent, toxic work places and unresolved childhood trauma. My work at the time, as a celebrity manager, made for ungodly hours, which meant life was not sustainable without help, especially because I had adopted two cats, too. He would make sure I ate, pick me up from 3am meetings so I wouldn\u2019t pass out in a random cab, handle vet appointments and even clean the litter. He showed up for me when I needed it most. After dating for two years, we moved in together.<\/p>\n

But just two years in\u2014and three additional cats later\u2014the cracks began to appear.<\/p>\n

The author with her flatmate and cat Leo<\/p>\n

From lovers and friends, to haters\u2026and friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n

We were fighting constantly. A daily argument used to be about food prep for the week. It would lead to battle cries on my part about the amount of labour I had to shoulder because of his complete lack of input aside from, \u201cLet\u2019s boil vegetables\u201d. The only thing that would boil was my blood, at his utter disinterest. I would unleash my fury, which would trigger a shut down from him, and make things even worse.<\/p>\n

There were deeper problems, of course\u2014we were both carrying a lot of emotional baggage. He had an addiction that he was struggling to acknowledge, and I had PTSD from an alcoholic abusive father. Those things don\u2019t mix well when you\u2019re trying to build a life together.<\/p>\n

We tried to fix it. We promised to do better by controlling our moods, taking timeouts, writing long letters to one another explaining our feelings. But the bottomline was this: as individuals, we had both been through too much in our lives, and lacking the maturity to fix our own problems, we were taking it out on each other. Not only were we being bad partners, we were starting to corrode our friendship. That\u2019s when we really hit pause. <\/p>\n

However messy our relationship had become, the friendship we had shared was still precious to us. Not to mention our routine, and the safe space we had been able to provide for each other over time. So, after almost half a decade together, we broke up. <\/p>\n

But before we had a chance to move out, COVID hit. The pandemic forced us into the lockdown together, and eventually we decided to stay on\u2014partly because Mumbai rent is a nightmare, but mostly because neither of us were really ready to let go of what we had built.<\/p>\n

Kugisaki and Jhambal, two of the five cats that are being co-parented by the author<\/p>\n

A different kind of intimacy<\/strong><\/h3>\n

When people hear \u201ccomfort and convenience\u201d, they often assume it means sexually. For me, it was more about stability. It was easier to share rent than double my financial burden. It was easier to split housework than manage everything alone. He takes care of the cats\u2019 litter boxes (a chore I\u2019ve hated almost as much as I love my cats). I cook and fix things when they break, and keep the house stocked with snacks. (20 questions to ask yourself before moving in with a friend) <\/p>\n

The standard assumption about staying with an ex, is also that there are unresolved feelings between the parties. This isn\u2019t true for us. We have a life together that suits and grounds us, and we didn\u2019t want to throw that out with the romance. I joke that he\u2019s the father of my five children, and he says I am his most important friend. Our families are happy that we each have someone to rely on. So why break a good thing? Neither of us had cared for tradition before, so a traditional break-up wouldn\u2019t be our style either.<\/p>\n

Representative image: Pexels.com<\/p>\n

How it really works <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Our relationship hasn\u2019t magically become conflict-free. We still argue\u2014same frequency, just less intensity. How? When we set out on this new path, we agreed we couldn\u2019t repeat the mistakes that tore us apart as a couple. <\/p>\n

For one, our conflict style needed work. Screaming matches followed by us shutting down was not helping either of us grow. So we had an honest conversation and agreed we needed a safe word. Now when things escalate (usually me), one of us yells, \u201cSRK!\u201d (for Shah Rukh Khan, of course\u2014his nemesis and my joy). It works like a charm. <\/p>\n

And when either one of us wants to vent about something, we ask, \u201cDo you want comfort or solutions?\u201d That question picked up from a Pinterest post has helped us countless times. It\u2019s almost comic: the maturity that escaped us as partners has found us as roommates.<\/p>\n

As for our timeless meal prep problem, we analysed what the emotional triggers were and what patterns we needed to break to avoid the spiral that usually follows. Additionally, we now share a Youtube playlist of recipes we mutually love, while taking weekly turns to figure out the food menu. We also could finally afford to hire help in the kitchen. <\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s not all seamless. This new equation comes with its own unique challenges. The first time either of us brought someone else home, the air was thick with unspoken jealousy and competitiveness. Mine wasn\u2019t about him sleeping with someone new; it was about the quality of women he was attracting\u2014smart, beautiful, fascinating\u2014while I was on Hinge being asked if I had an \u201colder man fetish\u201d by SoBo uncles. The pettiness of jealousy doesn\u2019t vanish just because you\u2019ve rebranded your ex as a roommate.<\/p>\n

via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n

Where does the love go?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The question always lingers: when you break up, where does the love go? For us, it felt like a decade-long investment we weren\u2019t ready to discard. So we poured that love into a friendship that is built on shared history, ridiculous inside jokes, and a chaotic home filled with five cats.<\/p>\n

Lockdown forced us into a domestic partnership we hadn\u2019t planned for, but somewhere in that claustrophobic space, we learned how to be kinder, more forgiving versions of ourselves. We became better roommates than we ever were partners.<\/p>\n

Our dynamic is a work in progress, but it\u2019s one I wouldn\u2019t trade. When I look back on the decade, I don\u2019t see a failed relationship. I see two people who stubbornly refused to discard what they built, even when the form of it had to change.<\/p>\n

Living with my ex still confuses people, but for me, it\u2019s simple: he\u2019s no longer my partner, but he is\u2014and will always be\u2014my family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Six years, one ex, five cats\u2014and a very unconventional family I\u2019ve been living with my ex for six years. We broke up after four years of dating\u2014two of them, living-in\u2014but we still share a home to this day, and five cats. People often react with shock, fascination, and an alarming lack of boundaries. \u201cDo you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":29416,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11548],"tags":[19685,19686,605,19687,2234,19688,801],"class_list":["post-29415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-loveinindia","tag-co-living","tag-ex-boyfriend","tag-family","tag-live-in-relationship","tag-living","tag-living-with-ex","tag-years"],"rttpg_featured_image_url":{"full":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",0,0,false],"landscape":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",0,0,false],"portraits":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",0,0,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",150,150,false],"medium":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",300,300,false],"large":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",1024,1024,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",1536,1536,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",2048,2048,false],"post-thumbnail":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",370,265,false],"kava-thumb-s":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",150,85,false],"kava-thumb-s-2":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",230,230,false],"kava-thumb-m":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",400,400,false],"kava-thumb-m-vertical":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",370,500,false],"kava-thumb-m-2":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",570,450,false],"kava-thumb-l":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",1170,650,false],"kava-thumb-xl":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",1920,1080,false],"kava-thumb-masonry":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",600,999,false],"kava-thumb-justify":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",640,640,false],"kava-thumb-justify-2":["https:\/\/tweakindia.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/CMS-Feature-new-2025-09-08T180331.898.jpg",1280,640,false]},"rttpg_author":{"display_name":"#RiseCelestialStudios","author_link":"https:\/\/design-providers.com\/rise\/author\/ralph-c\/"},"rttpg_comment":0,"rttpg_category":"LOVE & INDIA<\/a>","rttpg_excerpt":"Six years, one ex, five cats\u2014and a very unconventional family I\u2019ve been living with my ex for six years. We broke up after four years of dating\u2014two of them, living-in\u2014but we still share a home to this day, and five cats. 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